Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So vagazzling was a success
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
its liver damage thursday
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
