You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
