At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
