Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
