dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
