how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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