he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
