The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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