i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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