i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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