I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
