If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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