Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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