i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
