I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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