And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
