i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize