Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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