dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
