I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
