So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
