my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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