just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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