problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
