A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
