a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
