I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
