It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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