im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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