all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Dicks are not precious.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
