Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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