Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
