I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
