And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
