All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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