All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
