This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
