I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
