you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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