i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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