Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
