he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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