Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I need to sanitize my soul.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
