He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
