If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
50% drunk capacity currently
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
