i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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