u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
