You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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