Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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