Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
