Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
