I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
